I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
