I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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