Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
