I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
