And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
