he shaved USA in his pubs
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
