Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
