So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize