I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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