Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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