This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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