I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
