I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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