Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
