you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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