i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
