Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
