i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
