I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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