think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
