He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
