I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
