our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
