Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
