This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
