I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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