Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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