He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
They have beer where we have blood.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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