my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize