Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
