You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
