I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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