she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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