i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
