So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
