my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You can't just leave with hair like that
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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