maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you win again, gameday.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
