He disabled his match.com account in front of me
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize