I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
