he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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