she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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