This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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