the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
