69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
