Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
The adults are the big ones right?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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