Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
