please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize