i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
last night I used snow as a chaser
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
