Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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