They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
