Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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