Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
