I seem to have left my pride at pride
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
