Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
