Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
