There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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