She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
