Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
