I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
