so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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