Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
