the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
