that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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