i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
