I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize