You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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