So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
