a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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