I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize