Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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