We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
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