I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
