I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
