Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize