Say something about gay babies.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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