Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
