dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
