I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
