at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
