I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
