Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Be still, my beating vagina.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
