I accidentally had phone sex last night
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Randomize
