I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
