I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
