But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
