Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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