You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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