You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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