Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
