At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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