the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
