after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Two words: blizzard sex
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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