i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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