The police scanner is talking about you again....
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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