is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
