I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
