how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
