We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
this hospital has no fireball
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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