i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Is it because I queefed?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
