so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
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