So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
