Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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