I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
