how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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