i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
