Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
