who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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