Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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