Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
