My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
