Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
