He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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