I hate all girls vehemently.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
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