Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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